A Little Pumping

Palpitations that intensify.

My body is hot, and not just from the effects of the bath.

I wanted to take slow, deep breaths to try to calm myself somehow.

But ... my lungs are burning hot from being brushed by the incoming and outgoing air...

It's embarrassing to remember now.

My cheeks are burning hot as I recall the words I said out loud.

"... I see. Then that means Rin's efforts were successful. No, no, I always find young people's love stories sweet and sour and wonderful to hear."

Rin's father narrowed his eyes and smiled happily.

It would have been easier to be told, "I won't give you my daughter!" and it would be easier to have hot water poured over my head...

I felt even more embarrassed when he reacted like this.

I looked up at the steamy ceiling.

I can't ... distract myself at all.

"Can I have one question, Tokiwagi-kun?"

"Of course... It's all right."

"As for me, I'm glad to know your true feelings, but maybe you should tell my daughter what you said earlier."

Exactly the right thing to say.

I am sure that Kenichi, if he had heard about what happened, would have complained, "If you can say it to the father, you should say it to her!"

That is a fair opinion.

"As a father, I am happy for her, but at the same time I have mixed feelings. It's as if I've deprived her of her first confession."

"I'm sorry... I thought it would be better if I didn't go in circles."

"Yes, that's right. If you had tried to hide it halfway, I would have pursued it."

"Ha-ha-ha ..., right ...?"

"Hmmm. But if you can say something like that to me now, I think you could have said it to my daughter. Do you have any ideas about that?"

Rin's father spoke those words as if he was peering into our situation.

He never denied it out of hand, but urged, "You have a good reason for it, don't you?" He urges me to tell him.

He is the kind of person who probably has a pretty good idea of what's going on.

However, he is always willing to listen to me and is sincere in his attitude toward me.

That's probably why I am so quick to respond to his attitude.

It's as if he's fortune-telling or giving me life advice...

I nodded silently and exhaled with a huff.

"I'm at the bottom now, to say the least. I have no finances, no education, and no credit in school... That's me right now."

I am not well received at school, I can't study well, and I have no money.

I have a low opinion of myself.

If I had any charm as a person, it might be different, but the impression of me at school is very bad.

Well, it is natural.

Until now, I have always fallen asleep in class.

I was late a lot.

My test scores are bad.

The list goes on and on...

It is shameful to even say it myself, but it is a very unlucky with zero future potential.

It would be safe to say that it is an accident.

“I think if I were next to Rin like this, I'd get into trouble whether I wanted to or not. And that's exactly what's happening..."

"I can certainly imagine that. If people are not convinced, they will kick people down and put them down with impunity... That's not going to change, unfortunately. It will always ... be the same."

He nodded at my words, and there seemed to be melancholy in his expression.

I guess he has heard this kind of story before.

A beautiful girl and a disappointing boy.

In fiction, they may be attracted to each other and go out together.

But unfortunately, reality is not so easy.

No matter how much you like that person, no matter how much you want to be by their side... the people around you don't approve.

--Why him?

--Isn't it just not right?

This is a problem that will continue to haunt me.

People care more about evaluations than you think.

The evaluation of the people around you and your own evaluation... is something that will be with you all your life, no matter where you go.

And that evaluation from those around you can easily distort your own evaluation.

Because everyone around me said, "He's a bad person."

Because everyone around me said, "He's useless."

People who hear that may be wrong.

They will think so, and from now on, they will only see the bad parts.

After all, you are outnumbered.

Even if you believe so, you cannot ignore the evaluations of those around you.

Even if you alone believe it and argue against it, you will be squeezed.

But it can't be helped.

That's the way the world works, and that's the way people are made.

It's the way it's supposed to be.

In a sense, you could say it's the natural order of things.

No matter how much Rin recognizes me and how much she needs me, I will always be ... trouble.

As long as I'm at the bottom of the pile, it's not just me, but also her that will be harmed ...

So I can't accept the current relationship as a goodwill favor.

But ...

That's why.

In order to resolve those things...

"I want to change. To be next to her ..."

I have to become someone who can be next to an attractive girl like Rin and not be unworthy.

If I don't become that and go, I won't be able to face her or accept her with the way I am now...

I have to change what people around me think of me, change myself, and face her with my pride in my heart.

I will not turn away from the reality that makes me want to run away, but I will fight instead.

If I don't do that, I will ...

I can't face her for liking me like this.

If she works so hard, I have to work hard too.

I have to change.

It will not be an easy road.

It won't be easy to change my reputation, and I can't dispel people's first impressions so easily...

But it must be done.

I hope to be as much as a cloud floating around the shining sun, ... even if I have to scramble around unseemly.

I clench my fists tightly and look at Rin's father.

The eyes, which had been soft and gentle until a moment ago, turned sharp and serious in response to my gaze.

"I understand what you're thinking. I know what you want to do."

"...Yes."

"I don't deny it, and I can understand it to a certain extent. It takes confidence, guts, and determination to approach someone who seems beyond your reach."

He talks as if he were talking about himself.

He seems to be nostalgic about the past, but at the same time, he seems to understand how hard it is to get there.

"But, Tokiwagi-kun, I want you to remember something."

"... What is it?"

"Don't forget that the other person also has a heart."

I tilted my head, not understanding what was being said.

But it's not that I didn't know what a heart was.

I didn't understand why he was bringing up something so obvious.

“No matter how perfect a person looks, it's only a look. No one is perfect, and they are all fragile and fallible. Don't have the illusion that 'She'll be fine'. You understand this, don't you?"

"…Yes."

“Just as you have non-negotiable feelings, Rin has non-negotiable things and a heart of her own. She is only sixteen years old and a freshman in high school. Just because she looks like an adult in comparison to those around her, she's still a child..., and I think it would be good to tell her what you ... are thinking once in a while."

"But I'm not even qualified ... to say that much now. I can't say I'm doing my best yet, and I'm not even close..."

"Phew. I certainly understand your desire to do your best. I want to support you, too. But hey..."

“………”

“I wish you would take into consideration the feelings of those who have to wait for you."

“……..!?”

"Sincerely, it is only in the realm of the imagination. There are some things that can't be conveyed unless you say them. Just as Tokiwagi-kun is anxious, Rin may be feeling the same way..., so please keep that much in mind."

I had lost sight of what her father had told me.

I had to change.

I had to do my best.

I was so preoccupied with this that I didn't think about Rin, the woman who gave me the opportunity...

I didn't act with Rin in mind, who should be my first priority.

It is true that a man who has done it all in silence may look virtuous and cool.

But girls and boys have different values.

Men want a conclusion and women want a process.

Hence, differences and fights are common.

This is just what Kenichi said...

But my sneaking around is making Rin uneasy.

It's ............ my mistake to have been oblivious to that.

I said I was doing it for her, but I was only thinking of myself.

It's no good, me too ...

This is just like those ...... guys who only think about themselves.

I'm so stupid that I can't even notice this.

I look up to the heavens and sigh loudly.

I then slapped my cheeks with both hands.

"Have you got your feelings together?"

"Yes..."

"... Well, let's get up. We don't want to take too long a bath and get bloated, and if we don't hurry, Rin might come rushing in."

"Um, ... thank you very much."

I bow my head hurriedly to Rin's father as he is leaving the bath.

Then I felt a heavy weight on my head.

I fearfully look up and saw his face.

He noticed my gaze, narrowed his eyes, smiled thinly, placed his hand on my head and gently patted it a few times.

"Don't worry about it. All my actions stem from my daughter, and you don't need to feel indebted to me."

"But..."

"Hmmm. Well, to use your words, I was just following my own policy. In other words... meddling."

So this is her father...

He looked so big as he showed his back to me and was about to leave the bath.

And as Rin's father coolly turned to leave, I suddenly began to hear voices coming from the washroom.

"I still think it's suspicious! Wait for me, Towa-kun! I'll save you now!"

"Yes, Rin-chan~. Don't be too hasty, okay?"

"Ugh, don't strangle me! I have to go!"

"You want to go so badly, maybe Rin is at an age where she's interested in men's bodies?"

"No, I'm not!!"

"Oh, dear~? Your face is getting red and you look suspicious. Don't worry, Mama is tolerant, unlike Papa. Nothing in this world is stronger than an established fact.

“What are you saying to our daughter!?"

The conversation between Rin and Lisa reached my ears more clearly when I heard the sound of the bathroom door opening.

Even if I can't see her, it's easy to imagine Rin getting tossed around with a bright red face.

"...What an ending."

"... I guess so."

When we heard their conversation, we looked at each other and chuckled.