Come to think of it, she was like that.
“Yuzuki is Nakayama’s childhood friend, isn’t she?”
I recall what he said.
Just like me and Shiho, Nakayama and Yuzuki have known each other since childhood.
“Yes. We’ve been connected since kindergarten.”
“Then why… didn’t you choose Nakayama?”
I don’t really feel jealousy or resentment or any of those emotions.
It’s not a situation where I could harbor feelings of rivalry or hostility towards Nakayama anymore.
I just simply… wondered.
“I don’t understand why Yuzuki didn’t choose Nakayama, the one Shiho chose. He seems… more attractive than me, as a person.”
I, who can only think about myself, and Nakayama, who can consider others.
Objectively speaking, it’s undoubtedly better to be with him.
And yet, why does Yuzuki still treat me favorably?
“…As you say, Kotaro-san may indeed be a wonderful person. Quiet, obedient, kind… His personality, which can sincerely care for others with no ego or ulterior motives, is truly unique.”
Yuzuki probably understands what I’m trying to say.
But even understanding that, it seems she didn’t choose Nakayama.
“That’s why… there’s no reason for him to need me.”
For Yuzuki, who is inherently nurturing, caring, and can only affirm herself through affirmations from others, Nakayama seems… like a difficult person.
“Unlike Ryoma-san, he may be someone who can care for others… but he was also someone who could only care ‘solely’ for others. Especially in childhood, I remember he was like that. It’s not that he was selfish or had a will of his own; he just seemed to lack those things, and I couldn’t quite understand what he was thinking.”
In contrast to me, who is all ego, Nakayama, who lacks ego, was abnormal.
“He was like a robot, a strange person. His emotions were muted, and it seemed like no matter what you did, there was no reaction… I’m sorry for putting it this way, but he was easygoing, unburdensome, and seemed to lack any sense of duty or service.”
“Is that so? At school, it doesn’t seem like that happens.”
I often see him smiling next to Shiho, so at least I don’t think he is like a robot.
“He changed recently. Perhaps it’s because of Shimotsuki Shiho… But still, his fundamental nature hasn’t changed. He’s someone without ego, someone who can consider others’ happiness as his own, such a person.”
“…Even so, am I still better for Yuzuki?”
“Yes. Because Kotaro-san is… similar to me. In short… ultimately, it’s mutual aversion. Perhaps due to growing up in similar circumstances, childhood friends, raised in somewhat neglectful households, low self-esteem, strong respect for others. We are such similar beings, so our compatibility is poor. He wasn’t the person I was looking for.”
Because of low self-esteem.
They dislike people who resemble themselves.
“‘Childhood friends’ doesn’t matter. Perhaps fundamentally, we were just incompatible beings.”
The relationship I’ve been fixated on as ‘childhood friends’ is, when you really think about it, not that significant.
Since we’re all human, regardless of the order we met or the duration we spent together… if the compatibility is bad, then that’s it, Yuzuki seems to be saying.
… If I had realized that sooner, maybe I wouldn’t have hurt them.
It’s too late to regret not noticing the incompatibility between me and Shiho.
Time won’t turn back.
That’s why I’ll do the best I can do…
