I was wrong… I’m sorry
TL/ED: Lolz
– Those who do wrong must face punishment.
Lina Rosewell’s childhood.
Her strict father, who had not yet passed away, always told Lina that.
Wrongdoers must be punished, and good people must be rewarded.
Even young mischievous Lina quickly understood this as if it were obvious.
Of course, she didn’t like it back then.
Her father was strict, and he scolded her for even minor mistakes.
Although Lina, vibrant even more than a young retriever, quickly forgot about being scolded and got into various troubles, she did feel that her father’s stern discipline was meaningless at times.
“…”
However.
Now, having committed a wrongdoing that was hard to forgive.
Lina Rosewell realized only now that if you make a mistake, you must face the consequences.
You must receive punishment for the committed sin, and only then, when the other party accepts the apology, can you move forward.
That’s why.
On the day of the disciplinary committee meeting.
Her behavior was somewhat peculiar.
*
— … Taking into account these circumstances and the fact that Student Mercy, the direct victim of this incident, testified that ‘she is not a victim, and the moment was enjoyable, and she would like to experience it again if possible.’
— In addition, Sharon Pierce and Ian Blackangers, who are related parties, have also agreed not to press charges. Considering the petitions of the students regarding her previous good deeds, Lina Rosewell’s punishment is decided as one week of seclusion and one month of voluntary service, prohibiting external contact.
An unprecedented punishment in the history of the Lichten Academy’s disciplinary committee.
Lina Rosewell’s punishment was decided based on numerous petitions from students.
While everyone cheered, Lina Rosewell’s face was complicated.
Regret for causing harm, gratitude for the students who stood up for her, and finally, Ian.
Just thinking about him was agonizing enough to make her heart burst.
In the end, what made Lina hesitate was her father’s words.
— If you commit a sin, you must face the consequences.
But.
Is the sin she committed, and the punishment she is receiving, really enough?
One week of seclusion and one month of voluntary service.
She should be grateful for the opportunity, but her heart was still uneasy.
“Miss Lina, any questions remaining?”
The meeting room was empty.
The professor, the chairman of the disciplinary committee, asked Lina, who was standing there absentmindedly.
Lina, with trembling shoulders, managed to speak.
“Um, there.”
A voice full of uncertainty.
The act of speaking felt terrifying. She felt worthless. Perhaps it was because her psychological mask had shattered.
But she had to endure and ask.
She was so desperate.
“Is this the end of my punishment?”
“Of course. It’s already a final decision.”
“Um, isn’t it too lenient?”
“Are you asking if your punishment is too light? Like this?”
“…Yes.”
There was a moment of silence.
The chairman, who was carefully choosing his words, spoke.
“Lina, do you know how many students and professors worked hard to reduce your punishment?”
“Oh, I know. I’m really grateful, but…!”
With a sinking gaze, the chairman asked.
“Student Lina.”
“…Yes.”
“If a student thinks their punishment is too lenient, the place to request a harsher punishment is not us.”
“Yes?”
“The student should know well. Apologize and request punishment from the person they wronged.”
“But, but…”
“If you’re unsure, think about it during the period of seclusion. That’s the meaning of the penance.”
It’s not like that.
It was so obvious whom she should apologize to, whom she should feel sorry for. But…
“… He no longer looks at me.”
Lina’s murmurs dispersed into the air.
*
The memory of the disciplinary committee suddenly surfaced.
Lina collapsed into her seat as if the ground was giving way beneath her.
The temporary accommodation where Lina was serving her penance is excellent.
The size of the room, the bed, all the furniture, there was nothing lacking.
Compared to a prison-like place, it was tens or hundreds of times better.
But.
None of that mattered.
Whether it was a crumbling building, a nobleman’s mansion, a prison, or a royal palace.
“…Ian.”
The most crucial thing was the fact that she couldn’t meet Ian.
It made Lina infinitely lonely and anxious.
Lina, stumbling, leaned against the sofa, collapsing.
“Haaah…”
It was frustrating.
A sigh escaped her lips.
Where did it all go wrong?
He used to help her by providing ingredients when she had nothing prepared.
When she had nothing to eat, he noticed and gave her a lunchbox.
Why was he doing all this?
Somewhere along the way, she found herself becoming interested in him without realizing it.
And to others, he was so kind that she ended up disappointed.
“What did I do to him…?”
Why couldn’t she express her feelings honestly?
Why did she pretend not to know his true feelings?
Why couldn’t she firmly reject his affection?
“Haah…”
There were excuses.
It was tough.
She was hungry.
She needed his support.
She, who took advantage of Ian, a kind and weak person, as an outlet for her emotions.
She used and played with him.
“Why did I…?”
Lina bit her trembling lips.
It tasted bitter with a hint of blood, but she didn’t care.
That’s how pathetic she felt.
And that pathos didn’t end there.
The mask of kindness swallowed Lina even more.
The peak was when Ian, whom she thought had committed s*icide, came back.
It was when he had changed completely.
“Ah…”
His cold, calm gaze was pleasing.
Her heart was drawn to the sight of him walking without caring about her.
While watching him, Lina felt an ominous emotion.
Feeling inferiority toward you, who is doing well.
Feeling jealousy as you make new friends.
Jealousy turning into possessiveness.
And eventually, attacking you, whom she can’t have.
Unconsciously, her inner turmoil worked like that.
A foolish self who poured out the emotions she had tightly suppressed to maintain the mask to Ian.
She wanted to grab Ian’s ankle, keep him from going far away, and make him stay with her.
“I’m really trash…”
At that time, she didn’t know.
She didn’t realize that she was looking at Ian like that.
— Drip, drip.
Tears flowed again from what she thought were dry eyes.
After all the accumulated, disgusting emotions burst out, she could look back.
She didn’t expect the dark side of her heart to be this intense.
She realized.
‘I was really messed up.’
— Sniff.
Lina grabbed the handkerchief around her neck.
On the day when Lina went on a rampage, and Ian subdued her.
It was the handkerchief that Ian handed to her.
Touching it brought some relief to her.
That day.
—”Cover your neck. There are handprints left.”
Ian said that and handed her this black handkerchief.
Then he turned away.
That was the last time.
Why did she attack Ian?
Was there any intention to apologize?
Was she feeling grateful?
He left without showing any interest in those things.
It instinctively felt that in Ian’s heart, Lina’s share was infinitely small and insignificant.
But even in such a moment.
“…You gave this to me.”
Yes. Ian endlessly gave her something.
If only she were a decent person…
She should have been honest.
She should have expressed her gratitude.
She shouldn’t have ignored him just because he was kind and weak.
“And when you changed… back then too.”
She should have said she liked the changed him.
She shouldn’t have been jealous because of another beside him.
She shouldn’t have unleashed her inferiority towards you, who was doing well.
She was foolish. She was stupid. She was pathetic.
She was messed up.
“Why does everyone still…?”
I’m such a wretched and garbage-like girl.
Why does everyone keep coming, saying good things about me?
“I’m so messed up…”
So, in the end,
Ian was the only one who could punish her.
“Ah…”
Lina’s lips trembled.
She felt truly shameless and pitiful.
Despite receiving so much from Ian, clinging to him, being jealous, attacking him, and then blaming him.
She was now asking for punishment from him.
“Ian…”
But she needed him.
The only one who had coldly looked down on her was him.
The only one whose fingers had tightened around her neck was him.
“Ian, Ian….”
Maybe his scent lingered on the handkerchief.
Lina tightly grasped the handkerchief around her neck.
As she pulled tighter, her breath was gradually blocked.
“Ha…ah.”
Then, it came to her.
The touch that had completely dominated her, Ian’s touch.
Her heart pounded.
She tightened the knot a little more.
She hoped for Ian’s punishment through the fingers that had once squeezed her.
“Ugh…”
But that feeling just wouldn’t come.
His endlessly cold and calm gaze.
Ian’s eyes, which saw her as nothing more than a contemptible human—or rather, contaminated waste.
This wasn’t enough.
This level of punishment wasn’t sufficient.
With a soft release, the tension lessened.
“Ha…ugh!”
Air rushed in, and her breath exploded out.
Her oxygen-deprived head was spinning, but Ian was all that filled it.
She wanted him.
She longed for his punishing touch on her, who had become so wretched.
She wanted only him to punish her.
“…”
But at the same time, she recalled.
The sight of Ian’s back, leaving as if he had no interest in Lina.
If he didn’t permit it.
If he absolutely refused to allow her to approach, even if she went to find him right after regaining her freedom.
‘It’s no different from being trapped here, forever…’
Suddenly, her mind went pitch black.
All the despair in the world rushed to her.
“No, no…”
Lina’s fingers trembled.
She tightly clenched her fist.
Blood flowed from her injured palms, but she couldn’t care less.
Her lips quivered sweetly.
“I’m so pathetic and incompetent. I’m sorry for relying on you like this. I’m sorry for being like this. So please…”
Please.
Give me a chance to apologize.
I’ll do anything.
“Please punish me. Ian.”
For a wretched and stupid person like me.
Punish me with your hands.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
— Drip.
Tears, which she thought had completely dried up, flowed once again.
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