Yuzuki stands quietly.
She’s not angry anymore like she was earlier.
She smiles as she watches me drink warm tea.
She never sits down.
She stands there, behaving like a maid.
“I couldn’t quite understand the phrase ‘for myself’.”
Then she starts speaking slowly.
Her calm and smooth tone is very pleasant to listen to.
“It’s not that I lack self-awareness… But I find more joy in others’ enjoyment than in my own. That’s just how I am.”
“I kind of get it… You’re so caring and considerate, Yuzuki.”
“Yes. I’m aware of being meddlesome and nurturing. I simply enjoy doing things for others.”
“That’s admirable. I often can’t see beyond my own concerns, so I genuinely respect that.”
I thought of someone with Yuzuki’s personality as a ‘competent individual’.
But then…
“…It’s not something to be respected so highly. Because ultimately, it’s just my ‘ego’. It’s not truly for others, but for myself— I’ve realized that recently.”
It seems she genuinely believes this, not out of modesty or reservation.
“I long to be appreciated and thanked. That one word, ‘thank you’, gives value to Yuzuki Hojo. Unable to assess myself, I seek affirmation from others… But that’s all it is.”
“…”
I fell silent for a moment at Yuzuki’s words.
But upon reflection, there are parts that do make sense.
Did she always react so joyfully whenever I thanked her for something… Was that why?
“I guess the reason for my existence is to be needed by someone. That’s why I hate not being needed. I want to be relied on, to be pampered, and to be believed. So when Ryoma-san confessed to me through the process of elimination, I felt really bad.”
–I’ll protect you.
–I’ll choose you.
–I’ll make you happy.
–I’ll take responsibility for allowing you to love me.
With such thoughts in mind, I confessed to Yuzuki, but those feelings seemed to be in stark contrast to what she desired.
“Even though you don’t really need it, I don’t want you to like me out of obligation or a sense of duty. I’m fine with it if we don’t date.”
For me, who thought the conclusion of love was ‘dating’, her statement was shocking.
“If you were to say you needed me, I’d gladly give you my heart, body, and soul. If being with me brings you the greatest happiness, that alone would affirm me. But if not, it’s meaningless.”
In other words, those feelings are probably what she desires from me.
“The reason I like you, Ryoma-san, is because it seems like you’d want me the most—nothing about how great your personality is or how handsome you are or how smart you are. I’m sorry.”
For her, Ryoma Ryuzaki is a means of affirmation.
“You seem like you’re always thinking about others more than yourself, but in reality, you’re just like me… Yes, just like Ryoma-san. So please don’t belittle yourself. Because humans, we’re all just egos.”
…With those words, I felt a little lighter in my heart.
I still know I’m a flawed human, and that hasn’t changed… But knowing that Yuzuki also has such a side, I felt relieved, to some extent.
“As far as I know, the only person who can truly act for the sake of others is Kotaro.”
And then, hearing that name from her mouth… I realized I had been comparing the wrong people.
I had thought of him as ordinary.
As someone common, someone you’d find anywhere.
“I think he is the only person in the world without an ego.”
But that was wrong…
