Betrayal and Self-Hatred
Being the daughter of a wealthy family seemed as if she were a princess living in a different world.
“What an amazing home…”
After school, I was invited to Kurumizawa-san’s house.
Yesterday we had a discussion at my aunt’s office, and today I came to her house to start tutoring her in earnest.
Everything as far as the eye could see was the property, and the distance from the gate to the residence was rather long. When I got out of the car and looked up at the residence, it was a mansion like I had only seen on TV.
“Exactly. I wonder what kind of evil things my father does to earn money?”
Perhaps hearing my muttering, Kurumizawa-san, who was standing next to me, chuckled.
We didn’t have any conversation in the car, as I was pressed into silence throughout the ride, but I couldn’t help but marvel at the world that was so … different by so many orders of magnitude.
Perhaps she was happy that I had said the words, but Kurumizawa-san’s expression was bright. My mood was complicated because I could see that.
It’s a strange thing to have your feelings affected by a single phrase from a person like me…
“Come on, shall we go?”
As if leading the way, Kurumizawa-san started to walk.
I looked behind me and saw the woman who had been driving the car for us earlier, bowing her head. Is she a servant?
Come to think of it, I remembered that Mary-san had a servant like her. That person might have been born into a family as wealthy as the Kurumizawa family in terms of size.
Well, I heard that she is out of the country now, so it doesn’t matter to me.
“I’m nervous because this is the first time I’ve invited a boy to my room … However, it is not a very girly room, so there is no need to be shy.”
The room I was shown to was more modest and neat than I had expected.
The room is spacious enough, but it doesn’t have a lived-in feel. At least, it does not have a fancy atmosphere like Shiho’s room.
There was a desk, a closet, a bookshelf, a bed, etc… There was the bare minimum of furniture necessary for living, but there were no items that really made an impression on me.
If anything, it might resemble my room.
“Well, let’s see erm… Let’s study for now, shall we? You’re hired as a tutor, after all, aren’t you?”
“I’m not doing very well, am I?”
“I don’t care. After all, I just want to be with you, and ‘tutoring’ is just an excuse… You don’t have to teach me how to study, so why don’t we work together?”
After saying this, Kurumizawa-san smiled shyly. Slightly red in the cheeks, she said something like this.
“Also, it’s been my dream to have a study session with someone I like, so I’ll be happy if you can make it … come true.”
When she says that to me, I’m vulnerable.
It makes me aware that she really likes me.
I can’t be so insensitive that I can show rejection to a favor.
So in the end, I accept it.
“Uh, yeah… I understand.”
But the reason I feel guilty subconsciously is probably because I am remembering Shiho.
I’m sure she would be jealous if I was in a study group with another girl… When it’s all over, I’ll have to apologize properly.
I don’t think she’ll forgive me easily.
But, well… yeah. I can’t deny the fact that my grades have been getting worse lately.
In order to support Shiho in the future, I should study.
So this study session may be divided up as a way to get along with Kurumizawa-san, or rather, for my own sake.
I suddenly felt heavy as I found myself once again thinking of excuses.
No matter what the reason may be, there is no way I can overturn the truth that I am cheating on Shiho.
Once I realize that, the last thing I want to do after … is to fall into a loop of self-loathing.
Denying myself makes no sense, even though I…
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