Lina’s Despair
TL/ED: Lolz
“Student Lina Rosewell, it’s now the end of your probation period. You can come out now if you want.”
On the day when all the grade assessments were completed,
Lina Rosewell finished the long probation period and stepped outside.
Her red hair, which had flowed down to her shoulders, became messy. Dark circles under her eyes showed how much she had cried.
Wearing clothes haphazardly, hair roughly combed, and shoulders slouched.
One hand held a black handkerchief wrapped around her neck like a choker, while the other clutched a note as she walked down the street.
It was a long time after the grade assessments had finished.
Even the sporadic passersby just paused briefly, unaware that she was Lina Rosewell.
Only her eyes were different from her weary gait.
Her eyes were full of hope.
The reason was simple.
The note she held in her hand was Ian Blackangers’ address.
— If you have nowhere else to go, come here later.
One day, she gave me a note with my lunch box.
A note handed to her one day with lunch. She thought she had discarded it, but while searching for traces of Ian among the gifts from her friends, she discovered it tucked in between. The joy she felt at that moment was indescribable.
“I-I can finally meet him.”
She endured, fueled only by the thought of meeting Ian.
Sobriety in a bare accommodation with thoughts of Ian every hour, every minute, every second.
It was good to be able to do that.
She could make an effort to understand what Ian had gone through, what situation he was in.
‘The questions Ian sometimes asked… He must have been falsely accused.’
Understanding what mistakes she had made, why she had been so foolish.
‘I only thought about myself and foolishly ignored Ian.’
Despite being so foolish, worthless, and insignificant, she was glad she could think of ways to apologize to Ian and help him in any way she could.
It was fortunate that she could think of Ian, but it was hell not being able to meet him.
Lina’s steps quickened.
She finally arrived at Ian’s accommodation.
“This is Ian’s home…”
Lina hastily put the note she held in her hand into her pocket.
Then, she raised her hand to knock on the door.
As Lina was about to bring her hand to the door, she hesitated.
—Trembling.
Her hand trembled as if addicted to a drug.
‘W-What if Ian doesn’t open the door…?’
If Ian found knocking annoying, or if he got angry and told her to leave, or worse, if he ignored her as if she were nobody?
— Knock, knock, knock.
Suddenly, her heart pounded.
The previous Lina definitely didn’t have this kind of personality to worry so much.
A personality that could open any door and say ‘Hello!’ with a bright smile, that was Lina.
But now, it was different.
It was so frightening.
She kept having negative thoughts.
‘What if Ian really doesn’t want to meet me…?’
Suddenly, her vision became pitch black.
She had fainted several times during her probation period with this kind of thinking.
If it continued like this, she would collapse after coming all the way here. It wouldn’t have any meaning.
‘I-I have to knock.’
Lina mustered all her strength and knocked on the door with force.
— Knock, knock.
“Uhm, Ian? I-It’s L-Lina… I have something I want to talk about.”
Despite trying to control her voice, it kept cracking.
“Uhm, I have something I want to say… to you.”
Words that had to be said. She had prepared better words, but she couldn’t remember them.
“…”
No response from the silent door.
Lina swallowed her saliva.
‘He’ll come out in a moment… Surely.’
Five minutes passed like that.
‘He’s probably taking a shower, right…?’
Ten minutes passed.
“Uhm, Ian?”
Silence without any response.
Is he not at home?
But the lights are on.
After work, Ian wouldn’t be wandering outside somewhere.
That means… as expected.
‘…He probably doesn’t want to meet me.’
Like a discarded puppy, her eyes welled up with abandonment.
Her head hung low.
For Lina, meeting him was the top priority, but it wasn’t the same for Ian.
‘I know this is my problem.’
Whenever she was with Ian, she only thought about herself.
She didn’t consider Ian’s feelings.
She thought she had reflected countless times.
But here she was, doing the same thing again.
Whether Ian had any intention of meeting her, she didn’t think about it. She ran all the way here fueled only by the desperate hope that he might want to see her.
But what was the current situation?
Ian clearly didn’t want to see Lina.
Lina bit her lower lip.
She was selfish.
‘But, still… maybe, just maybe.’
If there was even a 1% chance that Ian wanted to talk to her, she was willing to bet everything on it.
“Th-This is the only chance we have to meet…”
Lina gathered herself and knocked on the door.
— Knock, knock, knock.
“I-I know I did something wrong. So, Ian… please. Please…”
— Knock, knock, knock.
“There’s so much I need to say. I really thought about it. I know I was wrong. So, just once. Please, just listen to me. Please. Please. Please. Please, please.”
— Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock…
Lina’s hand, which was pounding on the door, dropped.
A reddened hand.
No more strength left in her hand.
She couldn’t call out to Ian like this.
She couldn’t cling to him.
No… it can’t be.”
Lina’s face began to pale endlessly.
Her breath became shallow.
No matter how much she tried to breathe, her chest wouldn’t move.
Just a gust of empty air.
Then, she realized the reality.
“Oh, I get it. I know. You probably don’t want to see me anymore…”
Perhaps there might be a chance for a few words.
But the hope she had clung to crumbled.
Ian didn’t want to meet her.
He didn’t want to say a word.
Those thoughts overwhelmed Lina.
“Ugh.”
Her breath was cut off.
It wasn’t a feeling of a strangled throat, but rather, someone squeezing her heart.
The world went dark.
Her right hand, which no longer moved, was replaced by her left hand.
— Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.
Continuing to knock on the door.
If it didn’t open, she felt like she would truly… truly die like this.
Ian didn’t want to see her.
Someone as insignificant as herself should live where Ian’s gaze couldn’t reach.
That might be the help for Ian.
“Save me, Ian. Please. Please. I know I was wrong. Huh? Just once. Please listen to me. Please. Please. Please. Huh? Please. Please…”
But still…
Maybe it will help.
If she dedicates her body and mind, maybe Ian will look back at her.
She would rather be a sl*ve in his presence.
It would make her feel better.
Rather than that, no other way of living came to mind.
“Please, please… please…”
Tears continued to flow.
Drenched in her clothes, she fell to the floor.
Still, she kept knocking on the door.
How much time had passed?
— Ttok, ttok.
Footsteps heard from afar.
“Lina… Rosewell?”
At the sound of her name, Lina’s head turned weakly.
◆
Lina Rosewell, collapsed in front of Ian’s door.
‘Wow.’
Silvia was shocked at her miserable appearance.
She shed so many tears that her wet dress was almost transparent.
It was the second time a different woman was at the door on her two visits, but Silvia was so confused that she momentarily forgot about the feeling of jealousy.
“Are you okay?”
Silvia found herself asking about Lina’s well-being.
After looking at Silvia with her trembling eyes for a moment, Lina’s eyes drooped.
“It’s not Ian… Ugh, sorry. Sorry, Ian… Please. Please open the door. Just once, please. Please…”
— Thud, thud.
Lina was pounding on the door with her forehead.
Silvia hurriedly tried to stop her.
“Hey, snap out of it. Ian is probably not home right now.”
Lina struggled to focus her eyes.
“Ian… not here?”
“Yes. He’s likely busy. After the recent grade assessment, where he went up at least one star, many guilds must be chasing after him.”
“Oh, he’s not here.”
Lina wiped away tears with the backs of her hands.
She then laughed and laughed.
“I-I… I thought Ian was inside, and he just wouldn’t open the door for me. Thankfully, he’s not. Thank goodness.”
Lina’s emerald eyes lit up with renewed vigor.
Even her pale face gained a flush.
“Sorry for showing you such a pathetic sight.”
As if nothing happened, Lina Rosewell stood up and smiled.
Seeing this, Silvia couldn’t help but ask.
“Aren’t you embarrassed?”
“Huh?”
“About your appearance.”
Lina, examining herself, scratched her head and laughed.
“… Maybe a little? Hehe. But being embarrassed isn’t that important.”
“?”
“Now I have another chance to meet Ian. Besides that, nothing else is important to me.”
Her voice was full of energetic and cheerful vibes.
It was the Lina that Silvia knew.
But for some reason, it sent shivers down her spine.
Lina looked at Silvia and tilted her head.
“But Silvia, why did you come to Ian’s house?”
“Oh, um, I brought a rare dessert to share…”
Silvia stumbled over her words.
Lina’s eyes were calm, but somehow it felt eerie. Her obsession with Ian seemed strangely dangerous.
Silvia asked cautiously.
“…Are you jealous?”
However, Lina responded by widening her smile and shaking her head.
“No. Thanks to Silvia, Ian can eat delicious food. I’m happy when Ian is happy. Thank you.”
“Oh…”
“But still, I envy you. If only I had money, I would have bought many nice things for Ian. Ehehe.”
“I-I didn’t buy anything! I just brought something that was left over!”
“I’m jealous of that too. It means you have something to give Ian. My place has nothing. I’m worried about how to repay him.”
Silvia realized.
‘You’ve just become a pushover.’
(TL: Original meaning is basically: someone who’s very gullible and easily exploited, so Lina’s a simp.)
Lina Rosewell was now just a pushover for Ian.
Silvia sighed at that blind obsession.
For some reason, it felt like the number of competitors had increased.
‘Why is this place so popular…’
Silvia absentmindedly stared at Ian’s door.
Initially, she thought it was a blue ocean.
‘But now, it’s more like a fiery red ocean…’
Such intense competition wasn’t Silvia’s taste.
But now that she had entered, there was no room for compromise.
‘Even so, I’m probably ahead, right?’
The image of that cat coming out of Ian’s door flashed through Silvia’s mind… But she quickly shook her head.
That sharp cat was nothing more than a pet. Normally, such people that compete with cuteness don’t last long.
She needed to be directly helpful to Ian.
“Oh, right.”
The reason she came to find Ian. It was partly for dessert, but also because of the summoning of the disciplinary committee.
Lina Rosewell, this girl, … could be quite helpful.
“Come to think of it, Lina, there’s something you can do for Ian.”
“R-Really?!”
Lina instantly perked up.
“S-So, does that mean I can see Ian?”
With brightened eyes, Lina looked up at Silvia.
Her appearance was cute, like a puppy hearing the footsteps of its owner returning.
Silvia sighed internally.
‘Well, I’ve become a rival to a cat, now a dog… Am I doing well?’
But Ian’s resolution was the top priority.
Silvia nodded at Lina.
Access 10 Chapters ahead of the Novelupdates release on our Patreon. <3
