For the future
Even over the phone, I can feel it.
The loveliness of a girl named Shiho Shimotsuki blew my worries away.
It was December and freezing cold outside, but just hearing her voice made me feel warm and fuzzy.
“Kotaro-kun? You shouldn’t carry that on your back by yourself so much, okay? If you need anything, you can count on me. I can do anything, can’t I? My mom often tells me that. ‘Shi-chan, you’re a can-do girl, aren’t you?'”
As usual, Satsuki-san seems to be spoiling her daughter.
Thanks to that, she has become a clumsy girl who can’t do anything, but that is also her charm.
A girl who has grown up being loved has a very nice smile on her face.
How many times have I been saved by that dazzling smile that a neglected child like me would never be able to bring to the surface?
When I see that smile, all my worries seem silly.
Just a few minutes ago, I was worried about my mother, but … that too disappeared in an instant.
“Shiho…, my mother is not a very good mother.”
So I told her casually.
I wanted Shiho to know about my family situation.
If I had been truly distressed, I would not have been able to tell her. But when Shiho encouraged me not to carry the burden alone, my heart became lighter and I was able to speak up.
“Like Shiho’s parents, I wasn’t loved very much …, but even as someone like that, I want to be loved. I try my best to cherish them. Why do you think that is?”
“Hmmm… because you’re family, right?”
“Yes. You’re right …, but maybe not exactly right.”
I think she’s right. In fact, that’s what I told my aunt.
But the truth is that there is more to it than that.
It was for me.
“If I … have children in the future, I want them to love me a lot.”
Think about the future.
If this is how I’m going to be with the person I love … and a treasure will be created between the two of us…
I want that child to love me and I want to love it.
“But if I didn’t love my parents as such, I don’t think … I have the right to wish for my child to ‘love me’.”
I’m not emotionally detached enough to be selfish enough to want my kids to love me when I don’t love my parents.
I’ve always had a low self-esteem, … and I’m sure I’ll drag that out for the rest of my life. I will deny myself again that I had no right to be loved, even though I didn’t love my parents.
So I’m going to be reasonable.
I am determined to love my family no matter what.
It is not for anyone else.
I do it for me.
“No matter how they treat me, I’ll always cherish my parents as a child… Sorry for saying this so abruptly. I know you don’t understand what I mean, but thank you for listening.”
I dared to tell Shiho so in order to strengthen my resolve.
It was probably a meaningless statement to her.
But she accepted it.
“No, no, no. I’m rather glad you told me. … I don’t know what happened, and I’m not going to ask you if you don’t want to tell me, but let me tell you this. If Kotaro-kun’s parents don’t love you, … I’ll love you a lot instead, so don’t worry, okay?”
“Shiho… Thank you.”
Moreover, I almost cried a little because she said such nice things to me.
I want to talk to her more and more.
I want to hear what she has to say.
I have a strong desire to chat about other things and be healed, but unfortunately, the god of romantic comedies did not allow me to do so.
Suddenly, I heard the sound of a dry cough.
It seems that Shiho’s health is not at its best, perhaps because of the cold weather.
“Shiho, are you okay?”
Just like she cares about me.
I also feel for her.
Of course, I was worried.
“Ah, I’m sorry? I’m feeling a little out of sorts since I don’t get to see you, Kotaro-kun.”
Although jokingly, I have noticed that she is a little less talkative than usual.
So today, I decided to end the call already so as not to burden her too much.
“Well, I’d better hang up now. Don’t stay up too late today, and go to bed, okay?”
“Mmm…, you’re acting like my mom again. I’ll do that even if you don’t tell me to. So long, Kotaro-kun…, good night.”
She hung up the phone after saying that.
I took a breath, looked up at the sky again, and caught a glimpse of the perfectly round moon through a break in the clouds.
I muttered to myself as I looked at the silvery white light of the moon.