I Don’t Need a Good-Listening Sister
I can’t deny that I was very conflicted about pushing her back.
Because it would be tantamount to sending her down a path where she could fall off a cliff if she took a wrong step.
If she could keep her foot on the path, there would be great happiness waiting for her.
But if she falls off the cliff, she may suffer the consequences of her misfortune.
If that is the case, it would be better to take the path that is safe and has some happiness waiting for her, instead of taking the dangerous path.
Sure, the ideal happiness may not be there, but the possibility of unhappiness is infinitesimally small.
As an older brother, I think it is natural that I wish Azusa would choose this safe path.
But what Azusa wanted to choose was the high-risk path.
“Onii-chan… Can Azusa, can I try my best?”
Voila. Azusa does not reject the word to do her best.
The answer had been decided in her mind from the beginning.
However, the hesitation was probably because she was thinking about … me.
“I might cry a lot again. I might get hurt so badly that I can’t recover this time, and I might make … you worry a lot, okay?”
“I know that.”
I’ve been worrying about you for a long time, even if you don’t tell me.
I’m not your ideal “big brother”, but I’m the only “big brother” you’ve got right now.
“I really want to say no. I want you to be a normal girl and lead a normal life… I can’t watch Azusa suffer because of Ryuzaki.”
“I won’t do it then … If Onii-chan is going to suffer, then it’s fine for Azusa to be normal.”
Oh, that’s right.
I’m sure Azusa would say that now.
The Azusa that used to be blind, seeing only Ryuzaki, is no longer there.
This girl has grown up a lot after one heartbreak.
“I know how much you care about me, Onii-chan. I’m really grateful to you for forgiving me even though I said a lot of terrible things to you. When I was in pain, you were always there for me, so Azusa could get well again.”
When you get hurt, there are others who get hurt.
Now that Azusa understands this, she will no longer act irresponsibly.
“I don’t want to worry you any more. … I’m done bothering you. Azusa will continue to be a normal girl, right?”
But you know, Azusa,… that’s not what I mean.
“…No, it’s not. It’s okay to worry. I’m Azusa’s “Onii-chan” and family. Because I am Azusa’s “Onii-chan” and …family.”
I don’t need to worry about my family.
She’s always blunt with me, a little bit naive, and a little bit over the top, but I love her in that way, too.
I love Azusa as a family member.
So I don’t care how much trouble she causes me or how much she worries me.
A sister who is good at listening is not a sister.
She likes Onii-chan, serves Onii-chan, and makes Onii-chan feel comfortable … Such a sister who is only convenient for her brother is enough only for a sister in the world of romantic comedies.
The only thing I am looking for is Azusa’s “happiness”.
I’m not going to be able to do that,
“Don’t let that stop you from having ‘regrets’.”
Azusa’s life belongs to Azusa alone.
Please live selfishly. Please think only of yourself, without being bound by stories, roles, or anything like that.
If it is a distorted love held at the end of opportunism, I won’t accept it.
Azusa’s feelings now … are surely the ‘real thing’ that she herself has chosen and embraced.
“Do you still love Ryuzaki?”
“… I’m sorry …. I still love him very much.”
“Okay then, that’s fine.”
Then, I want you to cherish that feeling.
Don’t worry about me, just live your life the way you want to live it.
“If you like him, go for it. … I told you that before, didn’t I? I’ll always be there for you.”
As your brother, I will always be there for you.
“Even if you’re unhappy later, I’ll take care of it.”
Even if it turns out to be something you don’t want, I won’t make you unhappy.
I’ll just have to do my best again at that time.
“Azusa… I’m rooting for you.”
I told her and touched Azusa’s head.
I used to stroke her head like this.
I didn’t touch her much in high school, but … I suddenly felt like touching her for the first time in a long time.
The moment she was stroked, Azusa had big tears in her round eyes.
But those tears were not cold but … warm and gentle.
Saying that, Azusa leaned toward me.
I catch the small body firmly and move my hand once more.
The hair I hadn’t touched in a long time was just as comfortable as it had been a few years ago…
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